15 at 44
4 min readJan 8, 2024
- May you have people in your life who will ask forward-looking questions. Those who steer you to things you avoid because bills must be paid. Clarifying conversations over the course of my life have been transformative.
- There will be old friends you will go through life with and get through the other side. Cherish those relationships. They are the people who hold your heart. Over time, you develop clarity about the principle of time and where you need to allocate it.
- You will encounter some solid adult relationships. These are the relationships that develop much later in life when the friendship muscle atrophies and it becomes difficult to extend oneself. Nurture them. They might be the lifeline you never knew you needed later in life.
- There is a beautiful saying in my mothertongue dho’luo — wat imedo gi oseip — blood relations are enhanced by friendship. I share this saying often. As you grow older, you discover that blood ties require the same energy that other relationships need. The key ingredient is not blood, it is friendship. You must like your relatives and like being around each other. This is a time and energy investment. If you don’t enjoy them. Reflect on that.
- Never measure your success based on your peers or your siblings. Your journey is yours. Unique and separate. Measuring yourself against others whose life paths are guided by different circumstances is a recipe for emotional and physical inertia. You can be inspired by and be happy for others but that is their journey even if you are in the same field.
- Boundaries are healthy and important. Never let anyone — work, friends, or family — guilt you about keeping your boundaries intact. Boundaries are the thing that keep you grounded, replenished and able to give (or not).
- Your nonsense metre is likely to get sharper as you grow older. Decide the hills you want to sit/lie/die on. Pick up your bags and walk away when it is not your fight. There are many issues masquerading as your problem, when they sit squarely in folks past traumas. You are simply a trigger for it. See it, and walk away. You can empathise, but never be a punching bag for stuff you have no knowledge of.
- The stories your mother, sister and sister friends told you about life experiences will come true. Your journey must be yours but eventually you realise, your mother/sister told you this in 1990. You need to experience it to learn it of course, but sometimes, you can skip “hard knocks module 100".
- Do not do anything for gratitude. Do not mentor, coach, employ, promote, support or loan money to people because you expect them to thank you and be eternally grateful. People will people. Do it because it was the right thing to do. If it’s money, give it when you can live without it. Invest in people because it is what you want to do.
- Is your body is your temple? Yes, knees begin to creak, lower backs begin to ache and grey hairs emerge. Hydrate, moisturise, move, and eat indigenous foods or as they call them these days “organic foods”. Our bodies will fail us. How we plan to and care for them when they do, must be something you think about. In a world in which health systems require money, and communities of care are decayed by urban living, plan for the container you move in.
- Say sorry when you mean it. When you know you could have done better. It takes nothing away from you. It shows you are reflexive and human. Do not apologise for things you are not sorry for, have not had time to think through. Those are unhelpful apologies.
- Save. It does not have to be a lot, but if you can put something away, do it. The ability to make independent financial decisions for three months or more without a regular income, without asking for help is key.
- If you have a disposable income, please spend some of it investing in experiences. This is as important as the assets we hear matter. Do that thing you have always put off. The future is now. Learn how to play an instrument, fly, sing, swim.
- You will begin to burry parents, siblings, friends and take on a lot more responsibility. The funeral budget, particularly in cultures like mine where, we give not because it is lacking but because it is what we do, will be required. This is adulting.
- Visualise what that life looks like when you do not have to work to live. Plot it now. Re-imagine retirement communities that are not reliant on blood and marriage bonds. Learn the value of rest.